INTRODUCTION: TRANSPARENCY WITH A TEMPLE TWIST
When the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (a.k.a. the Mormons, a.k.a. the Latter-day Saints, a.k.a. the only church with a PR team busier than Beyoncé’s), decides to drop not one, not two, but three new Gospel Topics pages tackling religion, finances, and violence—you know it’s about to get biblical. Or at least, corporate biblical.
Published quietly on May 29, 2025, at the spiritually convenient hour of 9 p.m. MDT (God’s favorite timezone), the update aimed to clear the air on 32 burning questions. Or maybe just make the smoke less visible. Either way, we’re diving in.
So buckle up. Whether you're a devout disciple, a curious ex-mo, or just someone who wonders what happens inside a Mormon temple besides, apparently, not blood atonement—we're taking the tour the Deseret News tried to make boring. But we’re going to spice it up like it’s post-FHE karaoke night at BYU.
PART I: FOLLOW THE MONEY (BUT FIRST, LOOK AT THE GRAPHICS)
First stop: finances. The Gospel Topics page Church Financial Administration finally confirms what most of us suspected—yes, church leaders get paid. A “modest living allowance,” they say. Modest by Salt Lake standards? Or modest by “owns 100 billion in stock portfolios” standards? We’ll let the Lord sort that one out.
🧾 Frequently Asked Financial Questions (and Slightly Less Frequently Given Answers):
-
Q: Do church leaders receive financial support?
A: Yes. But don’t get too excited—it’s only enough to let them “devote all their time to serving the Lord,” presumably while flying first class on Delta and avoiding the stress of sacrament talk prep. -
Q: Does the church pay taxes?
A: Yes, sometimes. Especially when the IRS is looking. Apparently, the church pays property taxes, value-added taxes, and presumably the tax on sin when it invests in Pepsi stock. But tithing income? That's divinely shielded. -
Q: Why spend so much on temples?
A: Because they’re “houses of the Lord.” And because the Lord really digs marble floors, chandelier lighting, and extremely private ceremony rooms accessible only with a laminated card.
Most notably, the page boasts graphics—eight shiny infographics that feel like they were pulled from the PowerPoint deck of a Utah-based hedge fund. Apparently, “hundreds of millions” are spent annually on meetinghouses alone. Not mentioned: how many of them feature fluorescent lighting, beige walls, and 1973 carpet patterns still clinging to life like pioneer ghosts.
Also included: a map of 31,000 congregations worshipping in 19,000 locations across 190+ countries. Never mind that 188 of those countries are likely served by the same three expat families in perpetuity.
PART II: RELIGION VS. VIOLENCE (YES, WE WENT THERE)
Now to the juicy part—violence. Because nothing says spiritual refresh like a sanitized look at 19th-century bloodshed.
Enter: the Religion vs. Violence Gospel Topic, tackling 11 questions and serving up a piping hot plate of Mountain Meadows Massacre content—aka the “most tragic event in Latter-day Saint history.” (Which is saying something for a faith founded in the wild west and constantly chased out of towns.)
🔫 Questions That Had to Be Asked:
-
Q: Are religious people more likely to be violent?
A: No. They’re just more likely to show up at the violence already in progress. But don’t worry, the page assures us that “most often, religious beliefs lead people to behave unselfishly.” Just not in 1857, apparently. -
Q: What about scriptural violence?
A: It’s “never to be used to justify violence in the present.” Which is good news, unless you were planning to smite someone with the jawbone of an ass this weekend.
Also worth noting: blood atonement gets a firm NOPE. The church clarifies that while the idea may have been flirted with by some 19th-century leaders (looking at you, Brigham), it “is not a doctrine of the church.” You hear that, Netflix? Cancel your gritty LDS noir pitch.
There’s also a callout to Jesus, Russell M. Nelson, and Henry B. Eyring, who remind us that peacemaking is the real Christian way. No word yet on whether this will reduce the number of aggressive missionary door knockings.
PART III: WHAT REALLY HAPPENS IN TEMPLES (MASONRY, BUT MAKE IT MORMON)
Now for the sacred stuff: temples. You know, those gleaming buildings that cost millions, have no visible windows, and inspire more Google searches than Kanye’s church.
🏛️ So, What’s Inside the Temple?
According to the Temples Gospel Topics page, lots of things. Covenants, ordinances, spiritual enlightenment... and also, a lingering question about whether or not the rituals are just Mormonized Freemasonry fan fiction.
-
Q: Why have temple ceremonies changed over time?
A: Because Joseph Smith started it, and prophets have continued tweaking it like it’s the longest-running beta test in religious history. New patch notes coming soon, maybe? -
Q: Isn’t this all just Masonic cosplay?
A: NO. Sure, the “teaching style and outward forms” are similar to Masonic rituals, but the “substance and purpose” are totally different. It’s like saying Taco Bell and Chipotle both use tortillas. Technically true. Spiritually distinct.
Still, the page makes an admirable effort to demystify the process for non-members. It confirms that temple worship is about connecting with God and family, not summoning angels with elaborate handshakes. Progress.
And yes, the links! The church loves its hyperlinks now. They’re like scriptural footnotes for the 21st century. You can hop from temple etiquette to Masonic history in seconds. It’s Choose Your Own Theology—Mormon Edition.
PART IV: MARKETING THE SACRED (NOW IN INFOGRAPHIC FORM)
You know what’s holier than scripture? Branding.
And the church’s latest updates come with a full-blown rebrand of their theology, tailor-made for skeptical millennials and click-happy Gen Z. Don’t want to read 32 FAQs? Cool—just look at the pastel-colored infographic showing humanitarian aid and educational spending.
This includes:
-
$1 billion+ spent on education annually (because heaven help you if you go to Utah State).
-
A list of clean water projects in Kiribati (Jesus said hydrate).
-
A solar-powered desalination system, proving the Latter-day Saints are ready for climate apocalypse—but only if it’s blessed first.
Also, temple recommends are now mobile. So you can literally show your worthiness in a wallet app. Swipe up for celestial glory.
PART V: THE HOLY PR STRATEGY
This all smells of one thing: a very strategic preemptive transparency campaign. And not the fun kind, where people finally reveal who took the last Jell-O salad at the ward potluck.
Let’s be real. Between federal investigations, financial exposes, and general suspicion about a faith that ranks temple access like it's a divine VIP list, the LDS Church needed to roll out some answers. So they did what any modern megachurch would do: They made a PowerPoint, called it revelation, and uploaded it.
Elder Rasband waves from Ivory Coast. Elder Cook tours England. Elder Kearon joins a Catholic cardinal in the Philippines. It’s like the Apostolic Avengers assembling for a goodwill tour. Complete with temple groundbreakings in Benin and Vancouver, it feels a little like spiritual gentrification—except now with solar panels.
CONCLUSION: QUESTIONS Answered. Sort Of.
To their credit, the church tackled some heavy topics. Finances. Historical violence. Temple mysticism. The very things most religions avoid until someone writes a best-selling exposé.
But in true Latter-day Saint fashion, every answer is couched in pastoral vagueness and corporate cheeriness. No doctrine overturned. No dirty laundry aired. Just lots of context. “Yes, we pay taxes… sometimes.” “Yes, we used to talk about blood atonement… but shh, not anymore.” “Yes, our temple rites resemble Masonic rituals… but only in vibes.”
So, are the new Gospel Topics pages groundbreaking?
Not exactly. But they are... politely informative. Like being handed a pamphlet by someone with perfect hair who calls you “brother” before baptizing you and your wallet.
In the end, the church’s latest transparency drop is less a confession than a curated exhibit. It answers the questions it wants you to ask, and leaves the rest floating somewhere between Kolob and KSL.
But hey—at least now you know how the Lord’s money is spent, how not to justify a massacre, and why you still need a recommend to see the good stuff. You’re welcome.
Closing Thought:
If religion is the opiate of the masses, then these new Gospel Topics pages are the sugar-free, graphics-laden, carefully messaged dose meant to soothe a skeptical generation—no needles, no stains, just vibes and fonts. Bless their hearts.
And their budget.
