Well, well, well. Who would’ve thought the loudest voice in late-night TV would come from a guy who once hosted Red Eye at 3 a.m. while looking like your weird uncle who quotes Ayn Rand during Thanksgiving dinner? But here we are in the glorious dystopia of 2025, and Greg Gutfeld—yes, that Greg Gutfeld—is now the reigning king of late-night television. And he didn’t just edge out the competition. He outdrew, outlasted, and out-snarked Stephen Colbert so hard that CBS took their beloved “Late Show” behind the barn and shot it like Old Yeller.
Let’s pour one out for Colbert—preferably a kale smoothie served in a reusable cup etched with ironic Catholic guilt. His version of “The Late Show,” once the smug liberal’s lullaby, is now just another entry in the ever-growing list of once-relevant media relics put out of their misery by corporate overlords and market apathy. You know, the usual suspects.
“How could it be a financial decision?”
Colbert actually said that. Out loud. With a straight face. On TV. While wearing a suit more expensive than a year’s rent in Ohio.
The show was bleeding $40 million a year. Forty. Million. That’s not a red flag; that’s a flashing neon sign screaming, “Cancel me, Daddy CBS!” But Colbert—bless his heart—still asked, “How could it purely be a financial decision if ‘The Late Show’ is No. 1 in ratings?”
You know what else is No. 1? Delusion, apparently.
Sure, Colbert was technically the “No. 1 network late-night show,” which is like being the tallest garden gnome. Meanwhile, over on cable, Gutfeld was doing keg stands on everyone’s ratings grave, pulling in 3.1 million viewers on average compared to Colbert’s dwindling 1.9 million. But let’s not let facts get in the way of a good victim narrative, right?
Enter: Gutfeld the Barbarian
For 21 straight months, Greg Gutfeld and his ragtag band of midlife contrarians have trounced Colbert in total viewership. Thirteen straight months in the key 25-54 demo. That’s not a fluke. That’s a pummeling. That’s Rocky IV if Rocky was a libertarian punchline machine and Drago was a sanctimonious theater nerd quoting obscure philosophers to his audience of coastal elites.
The man’s show is basically a libertarian version of The Muppet Show, yet somehow he’s the only host left standing with a viable audience under 50. Colbert’s crew used to brag about “owning” that 18-49 demo—now Gutfeld owns it like it’s a timeshare in Florida and he’s waving a MAGA flag from the balcony.
CBS: Colbert’s Been Slain
CBS announced last week that The Late Show will be canceled in May 2026. But don’t worry, they gave Colbert a long enough runway to cry about it for 10 more months. That’s like being fired and still showing up every day for the office bagels.
The official reason is that it’s a financial decision. The unofficial reason? Trump rage fatigue. CBS just doesn’t have the stamina anymore for five monologues a week comparing Trump to Hitler with the comedic timing of a funeral director. Even Democrats are tired. You know it’s bad when even Elizabeth Warren is demanding to know whether Colbert got booted for political reasons. Really, Liz? Maybe read the balance sheet before you whip out the pitchfork.
Oh, and Adam Schiff’s involved too. Because nothing screams comedy like Adam Schiff looking concerned.
The ‘Big Fat Bribe’ Heard ‘Round the World
Let’s not ignore the timing. CBS and Paramount just settled a $20 billion election interference lawsuit from Trump for a measly $16 million—pocket change by media conglomerate standards. Colbert was furious, calling it a “big fat bribe.” Well, if it was a bribe, it worked. Days later, CBS pulled the plug on his show.
Colbert went full scorched-earth and dropped a “go f--- yourself” on Trump live on air. Which, honestly, is the most honest joke he’s told all year. Too bad it wasn’t enough to save him—or his shrinking audience of NPR dads and Gen Z college freshmen majoring in performative outrage.
Jimmy & Jimmy & Seth: The Undercard
Just to put this all in perspective, here’s how the rest of late-night is doing:
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Jimmy Kimmel: 1.5 million viewers. Mostly held together by celebrity guests who can’t say “no” because they’ve already RSVP’d to the after-party.
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Jimmy Fallon: 1.1 million. He used to be the golden retriever of late-night, now he’s just a wet dog trying to catch a stick no one threw.
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Seth Meyers: 751,000 viewers. Bless his heart, he’s like a cable access version of Weekend Update, except everyone’s asleep by the time he makes a joke about Mitch McConnell’s eyebrows.
It’s like watching a clown car roll slowly off a cliff, honking all the way down.
The Ratings Revolution Was Not Televised—It Was on Cable
Let’s be real here: the late-night landscape didn’t just shift. It collapsed like a soufflé in an earthquake. And somehow, the guy who used to make penis jokes on Maxim’s website rose from the ashes to become the anti-Colbert. Gutfeld’s secret weapon? Not caring what you think.
While the network suits were busy hiring comedy writers with MFAs in social justice, Gutfeld was out here doing the comedy equivalent of eating beef jerky while watching Die Hard. He doesn’t pander. He doesn’t apologize. And guess what? That’s apparently what America wants in its bedtime snack of sarcasm and satire.
He’s not trying to impress the New York Times. He’s dunking on it.
Who’s Laughing Now?
Not Colbert, who’s busy negotiating his next gig—probably hosting a lukewarm panel podcast called “Civil Discourse with Stephen & Friends.” Maybe he can guest-star on The View, or better yet, launch a Substack with his old pal Jon Stewart called Smugged Up.
Meanwhile, Gutfeld’s probably smoking a cigar with Jesse Watters and laughing all the way to the ratings bank, where he’s investing in gold bars and boner pill ads for the over-50 demographic.
Say what you will about Fox News—and there’s a lot to say—but Gutfeld tapped into a cultural vein that the legacy late-night shows ignored: regular people who are sick of moralizing comedy and just want someone to roast everyone—not just the Orange Menace.
The Real Punchline: It Was Never About Comedy
That’s the twist, isn’t it? This wasn’t just about jokes. It was about who gets to tell them, and which targets are allowed.
Late-night comedy became a monoculture of smug liberal sermonettes dressed up as punchlines. Gutfeld flipped the script and made fun of the sermonizers. He turned the TV around and laughed at the people behind the desk. And viewers? They showed up. Every. Single. Night.
For two years straight.
So let’s give the man his crown. He may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but he just bulldozed a genre that’s been running on fumes and virtue signals for half a decade.
Final Thoughts: Colbert’s Condolences
In a final twist of irony, Gutfeld said Colbert should’ve opened his monologues with, “My condolences.” And honestly? It fits. The Late Show didn’t just get canceled. It died of cultural malnutrition.
Too much preaching, not enough punchlines.
Too much clapter, not enough comedy.
Too much Trump obsession, not enough self-awareness.
So let’s end this the way late-night used to end—on a joke:
Q: Why did CBS cancel The Late Show?
A: Because Greg Gutfeld already did it—every night for 21 months straight.
Goodnight, Stephen. And good luck with the Substack.