Ah, June. The sun is shining, the caps are flying, and the parents are crying — mostly from joy, partially from realizing how much they paid for that diploma you’re now waving around like a golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s Job Factory. Welcome to the job market, Class of 2025! UCLA wants you to know one very comforting thing: they’ve got your back. You know, in that vague, advisory, drop-in-hours-available-until-5 kind of way.
So what’s a fresh Bruin supposed to do in an economy that’s doing the corporate equivalent of “it’s not you, it’s me”? Apparently, a lot — and most of it involves networking, Zoom calls, and maybe asking Chad from ECON 140 to look over your resume because he swears he got a reply from Bain & Company.
But fear not! The UCLA Career Center and the UCLA Alumni Association are riding in like two caped crusaders — armed with Handshake links, mock interviews, and inspirational one-liners about "pivoting." It’s giving... LinkedIn influencer energy.
Let’s break it down — snark and all.
The Career Center: Your Post-Grad GPS (That Sometimes Says “Rerouting…”)
First off, we’ve got the UCLA Career Center, your trusty guide through the jungle of post-college decision-making. They’re here to tell you that whether you want a job, grad school, a gap year, a startup, or to “find yourself” in Southeast Asia, there’s a resource for that. Yes, even for those planning to “pivot into UX” after majoring in Medieval Scandinavian Poetry.
Executive Director Carina Salazar assures us that they’re constantly finding “new partnerships” and “holistic platforms” — translation: more places to upload the same resume and wait three weeks for a rejection email that says "we've decided to move forward with other candidates."
Still, they mean well. You’ve got one-on-one coaching (just don’t wait until week 11), drop-ins (for when you panic after your first job rejection), and something called Focus 2, which is less about your mental clarity and more about turning “good at arguing with people online” into “communications specialist.”
And if you're shy about talking to people IRL, good news! There are special interview rooms, which is just a fancy way of saying "cubicles where you can cry after your fourth Zoom interview in a row."
Handshake: It’s Like Tinder, But For Jobs That Ghost You
Ah, Handshake. The place where job listings and internships outnumber your unread emails, and yet somehow none of them are hiring in your major. Over 40,000 opportunities await! Sounds promising, until you realize that 39,982 are unpaid internships requiring 3–5 years of experience and a working knowledge of quantum physics.
Still, it’s a decent platform. You can search for roles, RSVP to workshops, and “express interest” in a job — which is about as effective as expressing interest in your crush’s Instagram story. Spoiler: They won’t respond either.
Don’t forget Parker Dewey and Forage, platforms for “micro-internships,” which are code for “short bursts of unpaid labor that might make your resume look less empty.” These can be helpful for developing “skills” like “filling in spreadsheets with a smile” and “getting ghosted by your project lead.”
Real Talk: Therapy Lite for the Job-Scarred Graduate
UCLA’s Career Center also wants to introduce you to “Real Talk” — a support group cleverly disguised as a career workshop. It’s where you gather virtually with other disillusioned 22-year-olds to discuss how your dream job hasn’t called back, your fallback plan ghosted you, and your cousin who dropped out is somehow running a 6-figure Etsy shop.
Career counselors are there to tell you it’s okay to feel lost. Maybe you’ll cry. Maybe you’ll laugh. Maybe you’ll quietly Google “how to become a certified yoga instructor in 3 weeks.” The important thing is you’ll do it together.
Your Degree Isn’t In Demand? No Problem! We’ll Rebrand It.
So your major was in Philosophy, but the job market only wants coders, consultants, or crypto bros? Never fear! The Career Center is here to help you “translate your skills.” You didn’t waste $140,000 learning about Aristotle — you were actually mastering “critical thinking” and “strategic frameworks for navigating ambiguity.” Congrats, you’re qualified for middle management!
They’ll help you connect those dots, even if the dots resemble a Jackson Pollock painting. “Teamwork? You led a group project once. Negotiation? You convinced your roommate to take the trash out. Leadership? You planned a sorority brunch.” Boom — resume gold.
The Alumni Association: You’re In The Club Now. Dues? Just Your Eternal Hope.
Next up, we’ve got the UCLA Alumni Association, or as I like to call it, LinkedIn With School Spirit™. They’re rolling out the maroon-and-gold carpet for the Class of 2025, ready to provide lifelong career support, a never-ending parade of networking mixers, and podcasts where alumni talk about how they got their jobs (spoiler: it was usually through another alum).
There’s a Slack channel you can join — #internship-and-job-opportunities — which sounds helpful until you realize it’s 600 messages deep with people all looking for the same three marketing gigs.
But don’t give up! Use the Bruins in Top Organizations Data Dashboard to find fellow alumni who are already inside the gates of Big Tech, Big Finance, and Big Consulting. UCLA wants you to feel empowered to reach out and request “informational interviews,” which are basically job interviews without the job. Think of them as coffee chats where you pretend not to care about getting hired while subtly begging to be remembered.
Workshops, Webinars, and “Success Stories” That Sound Suspiciously Like Fairy Tales
You’ll also be bombarded (er, gently invited) to attend regional workshops, especially if you’re moving to NYC or the Bay Area. These cover everything from how to find roommates without ending up on a true crime podcast to how to network in tech without saying “synergy.”
The career engagement website offers on-demand webinars, probably starring that one chipper Career Center counselor who always smiles way too hard while explaining how to craft a compelling elevator pitch. There’s also the Bruin Success podcast, which is not, as the name suggests, about Bruins figuring it out. It’s about former Bruins who are now successful talking about how you, too, can make it — if you believe in yourself and network hard enough.
UCLA ONE: Like LinkedIn, But You’re Guilt-Tripped Into Using It
If you’re tired of cold-emailing strangers, try UCLA ONE. It’s an “online networking community” with over 74,000 members and about 6,500 people offering resume feedback, mock interviews, and unsolicited advice like “Have you considered moving to Texas?”
If that doesn’t work, there’s also the UCLA Alumni LinkedIn Group, where Bruins “connect professionally” and also repost job openings that closed three weeks ago.
Still in School? You Can Start Stressing Early!
If you’re one of the lucky few still working on your degree, the Alumni Association wants you to know you don’t have to wait until after graduation to panic. The William F. Sharpe Fellows Program and various mentoring programs allow you to start the cycle of existential dread early — while also introducing you to alumni who will definitely forget your name after one info session.
Mentorship: Because Nothing Says “Support” Like a 3-Sentence Monthly Email
The UCLA Alumni Mentor Program pairs you with real adults who are supposed to guide you through the trenches of post-grad life. Some will be amazing — others will be MIA until the last week of the quarter when they suddenly message, “So sorry for the delay, how’s everything going???”
But hey, at least it’s not ChatGPT pretending to be your career coach. (Wait…)
Cue the Happy Ending Music — Or At Least the Bittersweet Indie Montage
The article ends with a touching story about Olivia Gonzalez, a cognitive science major with big dreams and a mentor who keeps reminding her that “you’re young” and “you have time,” which is basically HR-speak for “yeah, the job market’s garbage, but go take a Coursera course or something.”
Olivia, like many of you, is facing a job landscape riddled with layoffs, hiring freezes, and employers who think “entry-level” means “10 years of experience and a Nobel Prize.” But thanks to UCLA’s constellation of support services, Slack channels, and webinars titled “Brand Yourself Without Selling Your Soul,” she’s navigating it all with hope. And probably a backup plan involving grad school.
Final Thoughts: Welcome to the Bruin Club, Now Go Network
So, to the Class of 2025: Congrats! You made it. Now the real fun begins — the job hunt, the networking, the identity crises disguised as “career pivots.”
But at least you’re not doing it alone. UCLA is here for you — with resources, advice, and yes, an endless supply of cheerful email newsletters telling you to “just reach out!” to a VP at Deloitte.
You’ve got access to career counselors, workshops, mentorships, alumni networks, and job boards teeming with possibility (and disappointment). Sure, it’s overwhelming. But it’s also a rite of passage — like midterms, but with more LinkedIn stalking.
So dust off your resume, rehearse your “tell me about yourself” speech, and go shake the professional world like the confident, slightly terrified, Zoom-fatigued Bruin you are.
Just don’t forget to log out of Handshake before midnight. That UI is brutal.