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Once upon a time, getting your dream job involved printing out a résumé on nice paper, walking into an office, shaking a hand, and pretending you’d “always dreamed of working here,” even though the building smelled faintly of copier toner and broken promises. That time is gone. In 2026, your dream job does not care about your cover letter font, your GPA, or whether you once chaired the “Fun Committee.” It does not care how many leadership seminars you attended or how enthusiastically you used the phrase “circle back.” It cares about proof , relevance , timing , and whether you already look like someone who belongs there—before they pay you. This blog is not about manifesting success or “finding your passion.” It’s about navigating a job market where algorithms screen you, humans skim you, and nobody has time to “take a chance” on potential unless it already looks profitable. Let’s begin. Step 1: Accept That the Old Career Advice Is Dead (And Has Been for Years) If someone tells...

There are many ways to spend an afternoon. You could hike along the Rockies, breathe crisp mountain air, and ponder the majesty of the natural world. You could enjoy a craft beer brewed by someone named Aspen who insists the hops were “emotionally nurtured.” Or, if you truly crave danger, you could wander into the University of Northern Colorado’s Human Resources Career portal — an expedition best described as Lewis and Clark meets Web 1.0 . Because nothing screams “adventure” like clicking through 47 nested menus to find out the school is not hiring anyone this month. Sit back. Pack snacks. Maybe leave a note behind in case you don’t return. I. The Landing Page: A Warm Welcome… of Text The page opens with the kind of vibe only a university website can offer: Jump to main content. And no matter how often you click it, the main content seems to scoot away, like it’s shy or suffering from social anxiety. After that, you’re greeted by a table of contents so vast it could double...

“Because freedom isn’t free—and neither are photocopies.” Congratulations, patriot of patience and champion of carbon copies. You have just discovered the proudest, loudest, most red-white-and-bureaucratic corner of the known universe: The Department of Endless Paperwork —affectionately known to insiders as DEP , to its IT help desk as That Portal Again , and to visiting diplomats as “Please take a number.” In a world where heroes chase glory in capes and jet fighters, we at DEP secure the republic by filing Form 47-B in triplicate before lunch. Our mission is clear, our printer ink is perpetually low, and our resolve to maintain a perfectly alphabetized archive is nothing short of heroic. Our Sacred Mission The DEP exists to safeguard the nation’s most delicate treasure: properly completed paperwork. Whether it’s a dog-park permit or the annual coffee-filter requisition, every sheet of paper is a micro-battlefield in the larger war for national organization. Forget espionage ...

In the ever-unfolding reality TV series we call American politics, the latest episode features President Donald Trump throwing yet another tantrum—this time at the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS). The offense? Doing its job and reporting numbers he didn’t like. On August 1, 2025, Trump unceremoniously canned Erika McEntarfer, the BLS director appointed by Biden, after July’s employment report revealed that hiring was weaker than a Trump golf game during hurricane season. Trump, ever the master of deflection, claimed—without a shred of evidence—that the data was “rigged” to make him look bad. Because obviously, a secret cabal of number-crunchers is burning the midnight oil just to sabotage the self-proclaimed greatest president of all time. When the Data Doesn’t Obey, Accuse It of Treason The BLS, a traditionally boring, apolitical agency, suddenly found itself at the center of a presidential meltdown. This isn’t an agency known for spicy drama. It’s literally hundreds of career sta...

Ah, June. The sun is shining, the caps are flying, and the parents are crying — mostly from joy, partially from realizing how much they paid for that diploma you’re now waving around like a golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s Job Factory. Welcome to the job market, Class of 2025! UCLA wants you to know one very comforting thing: they’ve got your back. You know, in that vague, advisory, drop-in-hours-available-until-5 kind of way. So what’s a fresh Bruin supposed to do in an economy that’s doing the corporate equivalent of “it’s not you, it’s me”? Apparently, a lot — and most of it involves networking, Zoom calls, and maybe asking Chad from ECON 140 to look over your resume because he swears he got a reply from Bain & Company. But fear not! The UCLA Career Center and the UCLA Alumni Association are riding in like two caped crusaders — armed with Handshake links, mock interviews, and inspirational one-liners about "pivoting." It’s giving... LinkedIn influencer energy. Let’s ...