When the Israeli Education Ministry told schools to shut their doors due to Iran lobbing ballistic missiles like it’s Purim and every Israeli city is a piñata, most schools did the obvious: they closed. You know—because missiles. But not 80 Haredi schools. No, they had a higher calling: Disobey the state, stay open, and study Torah like Iron Dome who?
And honestly, the story that unfolded is such a textbook case of religious arrogance, bureaucratic jellyfish-spinelessness, and “God will save us from physics,” it reads like satire—if satire came with missile craters.
Let’s break it down, shall we?
Chapter 1: God Forbid We Miss a Day of Talmud
The IDF Home Front Command—those annoying secular party-poopers who know stuff about missile trajectories and civilian safety—said, “Please, don’t die. Stay home. Close schools. Don’t get exploded.” Reasonable enough.
But then came 80 Haredi boys' schools—Talmud Torahs and yeshivot ketanot—located in such obvious missile magnets as Jerusalem, Bnei Brak, Tiberias, Rehovot, Modiin Ilit, and Beitar Illit, who basically replied, “No thanks. God’s got this.”
Despite being explicitly ordered to close, these institutions stayed open. Why? Because apparently, the Torah makes an excellent flak jacket. According to Rabbi Dov Landau—Lithuanian Haredi kingpin and de facto Home Front Denier—“if there’s a shelter in the building, Torah study can continue.”
Missiles in the air? Duck and daven, baby.
Chapter 2: The Education Ministry Pretends to Have a Spine
Initially, the Ministry of Education showed a spark of integrity. They declared they would shut down these rebel yeshivas, halt their government funding, and publicly stated that “the lives of our children take precedence over everything.”
Yes! Finally! Someone is saying the quiet part out loud: missile strikes > midrash.
But then—wait for it—they backtracked. Hard.
Just hours later, Education Minister Yoav Kisch said, essentially: “Never mind! We had a nice chat, and the schools pinky-promised to behave now.”
No fines. No arrests. Not even a slap on the wrist. Just a stern warning followed by immediate surrender. Somewhere, a missile sighs in disbelief.
Chapter 3: Selective Obedience – A Haredi Tradition
This isn’t new. This isn’t shocking. This is the ultra-Orthodox playbook:
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Flout public safety regulations.
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Get called out.
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Scream “Religious persecution!”
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Pull out a holy man to bless the whole mess.
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Wait for the secular government to fold like a plastic lawn chair in the Negev sun.
The Haredi community is less “above the law” and more “hovering six feet above it with a shtreimel on.” Whether it’s COVID, military conscription, or missile-related school closures, the script is the same: Torah over everything, even if everything includes “not being vaporized.”
Chapter 4: How To Get Hit By a Missile and Still Blame the Government
A school in Bnei Brak actually took a direct hit from an Iranian missile. Thankfully, it was empty at the time, which is a miracle only in the sense that the Ministry hadn’t yet retracted its brief flirtation with common sense.
Had students been present, the resulting tragedy wouldn’t have stopped the rabbis from blaming it on secular Zionist policies or insufficient Torah study. Maybe even the Women of the Wall.
The rabbis tell students to study harder during air raids because—get this—Torah provides “protection and salvation.”
That’s right. Torah study is the new Iron Dome. Move over Rafael Advanced Defense Systems, the Gemara is now a military-grade defense solution. Just don’t forget your siddur when the ceiling caves in.
Chapter 5: The Government’s Jedi-Level Capitulation
Yoav Kisch’s reversal of the closures is so pathetic, it deserves its own Book of Lamentations. This man went from “we will protect our children!” to “eh, they said they’ll listen next time.”
You’re the Education Minister, not a substitute teacher in a room full of hormonal 15-year-olds trying to vape in the bathroom. You had one job: protect kids. You outsourced it to wishful thinking and Haredi lobbyists.
And it’s not like this war is theoretical. Iran has launched over 500 ballistic missiles and 1,000 drones. They’ve hit apartment buildings, hospitals, and yes—schools.
So what’s the logic here? “It’s fine if kids get turned into collateral damage as long as they’ve memorized enough pages of Tractate Bava Metzia”?
Chapter 6: The Wedding That Flipped Off the IDF
Lest you think this was a one-time oopsie, please direct your attention to the massive Hasidic wedding in Jerusalem for the granddaughter of Rabbi Yissachar Dov Rokeach, spiritual leader of the Belz Hasidic dynasty.
While every other Israeli was stuck inside, waiting for the next round of sky-based murder from Tehran, thousands of Hasidim gathered outside Belz’s main synagogue to party like it’s 5785.
Did they think the missiles would RSVP first?
IDF Home Front Command: “No gatherings larger than 30 people.”
Belz: “Cool story, bro.”
Apparently, the only thing more powerful than a nuclear enrichment site is a Hasidic grandfather with a wedding budget.
Chapter 7: “Faith” As A Weaponized Excuse
Let’s be clear. This isn’t about religion. It’s about power.
This is about a community that knows it can break rules because the government needs their votes. Period. End of aliyah.
If a secular school stayed open and got hit by a missile, the principal would be fired so fast their mustache would detach from the wind shear. But in Haredi land? The response is always: “Well, that’s just their way.”
No. Their “way” just endangered hundreds of children.
You don’t get to yell about pikuach nefesh (the Jewish commandment to preserve life) when you’re actively ignoring it in favor of uninterrupted Talmud time.
Chapter 8: Spiritual Blackmail With Government Funds
And speaking of hypocrisy, let’s talk about money.
All 80 of these schools? State-funded. Not private. Not synagogue-sponsored. Public tax shekel-funded.
They get millions in government support. And the second they flout rules that literally protect children from missile strikes? The Education Ministry waves its little toy sword, then immediately holsters it after a single phone call from the Haredi coalition whip.
So the state is paying for its own rules to be broken. That’s like funding an arsonist’s gasoline bill and then thanking them for only torching half the block.
Chapter 9: The Only Consistent Thing Is the Inconsistency
The IDF says: No schools open.
The Haredi rabbis say: But what if... Torah?
The Education Ministry says: You're right, Torah is bomb-proof.
This isn’t just about poor judgment. It’s about systemic dysfunction. It’s about a government afraid to enforce its own rules on communities that live under a different reality—one where divine intervention is expected to perform CPR during a missile strike.
Chapter 10: Is This A Theocracy Or A Tragic Comedy?
Imagine the U.S. Department of Education telling Christian Scientists they can’t open schools during a hurricane and being told, “We have Jesus, we're good.”
Then imagine the government saying, “Oh, okay then.” That’s what just happened in Israel, except replace “Jesus” with “Rabbi Landau” and “hurricane” with “multiple long-range missile salvos.”
This isn’t just dangerous—it’s farcical. A dark comedy. Except the stakes are children, and the punchline is delivered via shrapnel.
Final Chapter: When the Next Missile Hits, Who Will Be to Blame?
Let’s say another missile hits a yeshiva. Children die. The sirens had wailed. The warnings were clear. The school stayed open. The Education Ministry blinked.
Who’s accountable?
Not the school, apparently. Not the rabbi. Not the Education Minister who blinked faster than a kid staring into the sun.
We will get the same old statements: “This is a time of national mourning. Our hearts go out to the families. We will investigate what went wrong.”
Here’s what went wrong: the state enabled magical thinking over science.
It’s not faith when you ignore a missile warning. It’s recklessness dressed in black hats and state subsidies.
Postscript: Torah and Mortar Don’t Mix
Believe in Torah all you want. Learn it. Love it. Pass it to your children.
But don’t weaponize it against common sense.
And don’t you dare ask the state to pay for your right to pretend missile warnings are just a test from God you can ignore. Because next time, the test might not be multiple choice. It might be a direct hit.
And no amount of Talmud study will reconstruct a classroom reduced to dust.