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By: A Sentient Being Who Just Wanted a Job Ah, McKesson. A name synonymous with... something? Healthcare, I think. Or maybe just those brown boxes with prescription labels that somehow always end up at the wrong pharmacy. Either way, welcome to the McKesson Careers page: where “tomorrow’s health” starts with you, but your job search dies a slow, painful death somewhere between “Search Jobs” and “Gia, the Digital Assistant.” Let’s journey through this enchanted labyrinth of buzzwords, broken dreams, and pop-ups like Gia whispering sweet algorithmic nothings into your unemployed ears. “Skip to Main Content” — The Truest Advice You’ll Ever Get Before you even read a word, you’re met with a desperate plea: “Skip to main content.” You might think this is just a standard accessibility feature, but oh no. It’s prophetic. It’s the website saying, “Run. While you still can.” Ignore that at your peril, and you’re flung into a kaleidoscope of corporate optimism so saccharine it could spike...

Ah, Washington State. Land of rain, coffee, tech bros, and a government that just can't see a cash cow without reaching for the milking stool. Once upon a time, this mossy paradise was the undisputed king of business-friendly climates. No personal income tax, a thriving startup ecosystem, and a permanent Starbucks-per-square-inch advantage. But fast-forward to April 2025, and it seems the state government decided that "best" is a relative term—especially if you redefine "business-friendly" to mean "bring your wallet, and maybe a blood donation too." Washington lawmakers just wrapped up their legislative session by giving the business community a nice little parting gift: the largest tax hike in state history. Cue the champagne — but don't forget the receipt, because it's about to have a 10% tax added. Capital Gains? More Like Capital Pains First up: Senate Bill 5813, lovingly dubbed "Robin Hood's Retirement Plan" by nobody, becaus...

Oh, what a time to be alive. World crises rage on, billionaires shoot themselves into space for Instagram clout, and here we are, blessed — blessed — with the urgent, earth-shaking knowledge that actress Triptii Dimri once stole eyeliner from her aunt. Stop the presses , y'all. This is Pulitzer stuff. In a recent interview that Vogue India probably spent about eight minutes editing between sips of matcha, Triptii — best known for her role in Animal , and now, unofficially, for her vague skincare enthusiasm — opened up about childhood scents, DIY face masks, and the ever-critical skill of "looking good enough to care but messy enough to be artsy" in just ten minutes. We must bow down. And if you think I’m kidding, oh no. This is the real tea : crayons are now canonically a part of a sophisticated scent journey. Move over, Byredo. Crayola's coming for your brand. Scent of a Childhood: Crayons, Erasers, and Existential Dread Apparently, when Triptii digs into the m...

It’s a miracle that anything gets built in America. Roads, bridges, airports, train tracks — these magical things we all rely on to not die on our way to Costco? Yeah, they exist thanks to Congress. You know, that same Congress that once spent 15 hours arguing whether a hot dog is a sandwich. Spoiler: it is. But somehow, despite the bickering, political theater, and tendency to do absolutely nothing until five minutes after the apocalypse starts, Congress also manages to occasionally fund transportation infrastructure. Enter the high-stakes soap opera known as surface transportation authorization — an absolutely thrilling (read: soul-crushing) process where Congress decides how much taxpayer cash will be flung at highways, public transit, and other ways of getting from Point A to Point B without bursting a blood vessel. From Model-Ts to Model Disasters Way back in 1916, when the biggest vehicular menace was some guy named Clyde weaving his Ford Model T down a dirt road while high ...

Ah, springtime in Middletown. The sun shines, the birds sing, and a suspicious number of grown adults prepare to sell you whimsical "Live Laugh Love" signs crafted out of reclaimed barn wood. Yes, friends, it’s that magical time of year when the Middletown Arts Center throws its annual Spring Arts & Crafts Festival — an event so lovingly homespun that even your grandmother’s basement feels edgy in comparison. Mark your calendars: May 10, 2025, from 11:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m., you too can wander through a labyrinth of Etsy-in-real-life booths, clutching a melting ice cream cone while pretending to contemplate the deep spiritual significance of a hand-poured soy candle that smells like "Beachwood Mist and Regret." Best part? Admission is free! Because honestly, charging you to peruse beaded jewelry inspired by an acid trip someone had in 1978 would just be rude. Let’s Break It Down, Shall We? The Vendors: Dozens — yes, dozens! — of vendors will hawk their wa...

Let’s be honest: humans have always been a little too proud of their monopoly on complex language. We write Shakespeare, argue on Reddit, and invent ten new ways to say “I’m fine” while internally dying. But now, thanks to artificial intelligence, we’re finally peeking behind the curtain of nature’s own TED Talk lineup—and guess what? The animals are chatting, singing, naming, and maybe even trash-talking us. And we’re just now figuring this out. Because of course we are. 🐳 Welcome to Planet Earth, Where Humans Just Discovered That Elephants Have Names If you thought your toddler naming their stuffed bunny “Bun-Bun” was impressive, wait until you hear this: elephants have names for each other. Unique, individual identifiers. It’s like finding out your dog’s been calling you “Hairless Food Slave” this whole time. Thanks to machine learning, researchers are decoding the social equivalent of WhatsApp group chats in the savannah. The next time you hear an elephant trumpet, it might ...

Congratulations, Roy Peter Clark. Your 21st book just arrived, and you're here to tell us that we, too, can birth literary babies if we just squeeze out 200 words a day like some kind of content womb. How inspiring. How... quaint. In his article “Get ready to write your book: 5 tips on becoming an author,” Clark offers advice so aggressively wholesome it practically smells like fresh library books and self-discipline. Unfortunately, the rest of us are out here drowning in crippling perfectionism, existential dread, and an internet that’s 95% distraction and 5% other people’s highlight reels. So let's dissect these five tips from America’s Most Well-Adjusted Writing Grandpa and give them the cynical, modern update they so desperately need. Tip 1: Write a Little Every Day (And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves) “A page a day equals a book a year,” he says, like a motivational calendar come to life. Wow. Groundbreaking. A whole page, Roy? You mean all I have to do is push out ...

Welcome, trivia addicts, doom scrollers, and people avoiding eye contact in waiting rooms! Today we’re diving into the digital landfill known as Reader’s Digest’s 30 Weird Facts That Are Totally True , a listicle so long it makes War and Peace look like a tweet. This isn’t just a list. It’s a cultural cry for help disguised as infotainment. You start off wanting to know one fact—just one —to dazzle Sharon at the office potluck, and suddenly you're 40 facts deep, questioning your own reality and the ethics of feeding pineapple to unsuspecting burger buns. 1. You’re Taller in the Morning Because gravity is a petty little tyrant that squashes you down all day like the world’s most passive-aggressive chiropractor. Sure, you’re taller when you wake up—but emotionally? Significantly shorter. 2. The Caesar Salad Was Invented in Mexico Plot twist: Not Italy. Not Caesar. Just a tired restaurant owner throwing together leftovers like every millennial during rent week. And voilà—salad i...