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INTRODUCTION: TRANSPARENCY WITH A TEMPLE TWIST When the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (a.k.a. the Mormons, a.k.a. the Latter-day Saints, a.k.a. the only church with a PR team busier than Beyoncé’s), decides to drop not one, not two, but three new Gospel Topics pages tackling religion, finances, and violence—you know it’s about to get biblical. Or at least, corporate biblical. Published quietly on May 29, 2025, at the spiritually convenient hour of 9 p.m. MDT (God’s favorite timezone), the update aimed to clear the air on 32 burning questions. Or maybe just make the smoke less visible. Either way, we’re diving in. So buckle up. Whether you're a devout disciple, a curious ex-mo, or just someone who wonders what happens inside a Mormon temple besides, apparently, not blood atonement—we're taking the tour the Deseret News tried to make boring. But we’re going to spice it up like it’s post-FHE karaoke night at BYU. PART I: FOLLOW THE MONEY (BUT FIRST, LOOK AT THE...

You know what really heats up the bedroom? A good ol’ fashioned unresolved childhood trauma! Oh yes, forget the silk sheets and scented candles—turns out your inner six-year-old silently sobbing in a corner may be the third wheel in your adult sex life. According to a recent study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior , if your early years were more "TraumaCon 1998" than "Sesame Street," then congratulations: your adult romantic conflicts just might be extra spicy… with a dash of attachment anxiety and a sprinkle of emotionally charged awkwardness. Before we dive in, a gentle reminder: this blog is snarky, not heartless. Childhood trauma is serious. But sometimes, the only way to wade through the psychological sludge of sexual dysfunction and childhood horror stories is to wear sarcasm like a life jacket. So grab a glass of emotional resilience and let’s unpack this psychosexual Pandora’s box. What’s the Trauma Tea? The study in question, led by Noémie Bi...

Peter Thiel, the man who helped create PayPal, backed Facebook before it was cool, and occasionally funds immortality research, has turned his death-ray intellect to a much humbler target: America’s real estate market. And guess what? It’s “catastrophic.” Yep, in a recent Free Press interview, the billionaire libertarian and tech-world oracle channeled the ghost of 19th-century economist Henry George to tell us what we already knew — but with that trademark Thielian flair that makes it feel like you're being warned of the apocalypse by a Bond villain who just bought a data center in New Zealand. Let’s get one thing straight: when Peter Thiel calls something a “Georgist real estate catastrophe,” you know it’s bad. Not because you understand what that means — you probably don’t, and frankly, neither do most of the podcasters quoting it — but because Thiel doesn’t usually bother to speak unless he’s building a bunker or backing a presidential candidate. Housing Crisis: Brought To...

Remember when Barack Obama was the north star of the Democratic Party? When every Democrat worth their blue tie was tripping over themselves to get a quote in his memoir or maybe—just maybe—a campaign trail shoutout that could sanctify their candidacy? Fast forward to 2025 and—spoiler alert—Obama’s once-glittering political orbit is falling faster than a Chinese spy balloon over Montana. But hey, nobody tell him. He’s probably busy negotiating his next Netflix special about hope, change, and why the 2008 campaign still matters more than whatever the Democratic Party is doing now. (Spoiler: not much.) Meanwhile, back on Earth, the Democratic Party is standing around the smoking crater where the Obama coalition used to be, wondering if it’s too late to get a refund on David Plouffe’s consulting fees. Let’s break this mess down. From Cool to Cold: Obama World Loses Its Shine Once upon a time, being “from Obama World” was a golden ticket. Now it’s more like walking around with a Blac...

Container gardening: it sounds so peaceful, doesn’t it? A verdant little Eden nestled in ceramic pots, lounging on your patio like it's about to star in a Better Homes & Gardens spread. Maybe you’re growing juicy tomatoes, cheerful petunias, or that one sad basil plant you insist on reviving like it’s a Disney princess under a sleep curse. But then summer hits. And suddenly your once-thriving container garden turns into a horticultural hostage situation. Welcome to the hot season—where your plants either get waterboarded or scorched into leaf-jerky before brunch. Let’s talk about how to stop your container garden from dying a crispy death this summer, courtesy of expert advice, hard-earned snark, and the occasional reality check. So Much to Love, So Much to Wilt First, let’s acknowledge the obvious: container gardening is a vibe . You get the illusion of control. You get to say things like, “I’m experimenting with heirloom zucchini.” You feel superior to people who just “l...

Oh, Sebastião Salgado is dead. And with him, possibly, dies the last sliver of hope that we’ll ever again experience photography not filtered through the dopamine-slick lens of Instagram influencers, AI-generated cheesecake shots, and wedding photographers who somehow make love look like a furniture commercial. Salgado was 81, and after photographing war zones, burning oil fields, famine, genocide, deforestation, endangered tribes, and the quiet dignity of humanity itself… the man had the audacity to go and die from leukemia. As if death could do justice to a life like that. Let’s just acknowledge upfront: if you've ever looked at a Salgado photo and thought, “Wow, that’s a beautiful shot,” you're missing the point and proving it simultaneously. His pictures weren’t pretty; they were tectonic shifts disguised in black and white. This was a man who could photograph a line of migrants trudging across a dust-blasted wasteland and make it look like God’s own hands were trembling. ...

By: The Ghost of Rock and Roll Future Bob Dylan turned 84 this year. Let that sink in. Eighty-four. While most people that age are busy perfecting the art of yelling at squirrels and hoarding Werther’s Originals, Dylan is on stage, tickling the ivories and mumble-crooning his way through esoteric B-sides and obscure covers that half the crowd pretends to recognize. And not just any tour—he’s doing it alongside Willie freaking Nelson , who at 92 makes your CrossFit instructor look like a fainting goat. Welcome to the Outlaw Music Festival 2025, where the only thing older than the headliners is America’s crumbling infrastructure. But don't you dare call it a nostalgia tour—unless your idea of nostalgia includes rearranged setlists, songs no algorithm can identify, and the distinct feeling that Bob might just spontaneously combust into a pile of harmonicas at any moment. This isn’t about recapturing the past. This is about redefining what it means to not give a damn about aging. L...

Oh, Memorial Day. That blessed American tradition where we all solemnly remember those who served by... watching genetically-enhanced superspies jump off cliffs, weeping at animated space dogs, and trying to figure out what Cate Blanchett’s accent is this time. The movie industry’s idea of “honor” is apparently best expressed through explosions, nostalgia bait, and the obligatory Netflix release with an algorithmically generated title. But buried under the bombast and CGI barf-fests lies something a little weirder, a little smarter, and a whole lot more interesting. The New York Times, doing the Lord’s work, gave us a handy list of 2025’s best films you probably didn’t know existed—because their trailers weren’t forcibly jammed into your pre-YouTube video scroll like digital herpes. Let’s wade into the deep end, past the floating corpses of overhyped blockbusters, and take a snark-soaked look at the real must-watch movies of 2025. 1. “Sinners”: Come for the Vampires, Stay for the ...