eOpicle

Well, well, well. Who would’ve thought the loudest voice in late-night TV would come from a guy who once hosted Red Eye at 3 a.m. while looking like your weird uncle who quotes Ayn Rand during Thanksgiving dinner? But here we are in the glorious dystopia of 2025, and Greg Gutfeld—yes, that Greg Gutfeld—is now the reigning king of late-night television. And he didn’t just edge out the competition. He outdrew, outlasted, and out-snarked Stephen Colbert so hard that CBS took their beloved “Late Show” behind the barn and shot it like Old Yeller. Let’s pour one out for Colbert—preferably a kale smoothie served in a reusable cup etched with ironic Catholic guilt. His version of “The Late Show,” once the smug liberal’s lullaby, is now just another entry in the ever-growing list of once-relevant media relics put out of their misery by corporate overlords and market apathy. You know, the usual suspects. “How could it be a financial decision?” Colbert actually said that. Out loud. With a st...

So Gabe Newell has spoken. Again. And like any prophet with a billion-dollar yacht and a physics degree from the University of Dropping Out to Do Cooler Stuff, when Gabe talks, the tech world tilts its head like a golden retriever hearing the word “walk.” This time, the big-brained founder of Valve took a break from making Steam money rain like it’s Half-Life 3 announcement day (spoiler: it never is) to declare that AI is the next transformative wave—on par with the invention of computers, the rise of the internet, and, dare I say, the discovery that you can microwave bacon. But let’s not be subtle here: Gabe Newell just told the world that if you don’t start riding the AI cheat code train right now, you’re going to be the office Luddite muttering into your ergonomic keyboard while ChatGPT 7.2 runs laps around your quarterly reports. Welcome to the Church of Gabe, Patron Saint of Cheat Codes Let’s set the scene: a YouTube interview with Zalkar Saliev, a man whose claim to fame is...

Ah, summer in New England. That magical time when the lakes warm up, the bugs come out like they’ve been training for a combat mission, and your fancy thousand-dollar fishing rig becomes less useful than a toddler with a stick. If you’re a trout or salmon, it's basically hell in a puddle. If you're a fisherman, it's a season of tactical warfare. And if you're Doug Gralenski, it's time to remember when an old dude in a rowboat made everyone with a 22-foot, tech-stuffed fishing yacht look like amateurs. Doug’s latest outdoor ode in the Union Leader reads like the greatest hits of New Hampshire summer fishing: it starts with complaining about the weather (because of course), winds through a bit of aquatic science (the trust-me-I’m-not-a-chemist variety), and lands in a fond eulogy for the kind of fisherman that modern gearheads pretend they don’t envy. Let’s start at the beginning, shall we? It Was the Best of Bugs, It Was the Worst of Bugs Doug kicks off with tha...

Ah yes, it’s that magical time of year again. The sun is shining, the ice cream truck’s song haunts your dreams, and Target is already trying to gaslight you into buying a 24-pack of highlighters “just in case” your fifth grader spontaneously decides to become an interior designer. That’s right, folks— back-to-school shopping is back , and it brought a receipt the length of a CVS coupon roll. But hey, good news ! You’re probably going to spend slightly less than last year. A whole two percent less! According to the National Retail Federation , the average family will be dropping $858.07 per child this year. That's right— eight hundred and fifty-eight dollars and seven cents. Because heaven forbid your child shows up to algebra without a graphing calculator that doubles as a Netflix portal and heart rate monitor. Let’s Break That Down (So You Can Cry More Specifically) According to the NRF survey (which polled 7,600 people who had probably just maxed out their third credit ca...

Ah, the Royal Society. The oldest scientific institution in the UK, home to Isaac Newton’s apple, Charles Darwin’s heretical beard, and Stephen Hawking’s galactic swagger. You know, the place that exists to “promote and support science.” And what does the Royal Society do when one of its Fellows helps oversee the defunding, censorship, and slow suffocation of science itself? Well, apparently, it sends a strongly worded email and then retreats into the shadows like a disappointed Victorian governess who can’t bring herself to spank the naughty child. Let’s set the stage. Elon Musk—space overlord, electric car messiah, meme czar, and now head of the US Department of Government Efficiency (charmingly and ominously abbreviated as Doge )—has been helping the Trump administration gut scientific research like it’s an overbudget fish. Doge has become a blunt instrument for budgetary bloodletting and ideological sanitization. Peer-reviewed? Not unless it’s peer-approved by MAGA hats and TikT...

OPM says be “generous” with religion-based telework… just as other agencies start interrogating disabled workers about their need for accommodations. Because apparently, Jesus needs Zoom more than your spinal cord does. Well, would you look at that? The Office of Personnel Management (OPM), that ever-pulsing heartbeat of bureaucratic brilliance, has delivered unto us a memo. And not just any memo—no, this one practically glows with holy light. In his first official act since Senate confirmation, OPM Director Scott Kupor has anointed a new golden rule: Thou shalt be generous in granting telework accommodations for religious observances. Hallelujah! Blessed be the bandwidth. But let’s pause the hymn for a second. Because while the Lord’s followers are being told they can pray from their living rooms, disabled federal workers are simultaneously being frog-marched back into cubicles. Yes, just days before this gospel of remote righteousness dropped, the Department of Veterans Affairs s...

Congratulations, humanity. We’ve officially reached the era of relationship maintenance via pedestrian activity. Yes, according to relationship expert and author Sara Nasserzadeh, successful couples don’t just “check in” daily like emotionally evolved TSA agents — they also engage in a weekly ritual so groundbreaking, so revolutionary, so mind-blowingly intimate, it involves... walking. And. Talking. Hold your gasps. Yes, walking and talking. Groundbreaking stuff. Who knew love was only one cardio session away from permanent bliss? Let’s dig into this magical ritual, shall we? 🚶‍♀️ The “Walk and Talk”: Because Sitting Down and Talking Would Be Too Easy You know what makes every conversation better? Trying not to get hit by a cyclist or dodge an enthusiastic golden retriever while discussing your financial incompatibility. Nothing gets to the root of your emotional baggage like the smell of jogger sweat and the lingering fear of stepping in goose poop. According to Nasserzadeh ...